InterHouse Unity Weekends
by Conversen
Summary: Harry is bipolar and egotistical, Malfoy struts, Ron and Blaise have problems, Ginny is obsessed, and Dumbledore has another "brilliant" idea. Inter-house unity weekends ensue! Bashes everyone. Rated T for mild/implied slash and language.


**As/N**: Ricochet: It started one sunny day in math class, passing notes with my wonderful friend FullOfWit. Soon, however, it spiraled out of control and became… this!

FullOfWit: Of course we would never dream of wasting a perfectly boring math class passing notes, except… well…

Ricochet: Except for the fact that we did. Oh well. On to the story! This story will contain swearing and mild and implied slash… and a bunch of other stuff. But we never go into detail! Just be forewarned…

FullOfWit: Unless you're a bit of a fag hag… or dude… I'm not trying to be sexist. We're not judging. Really. Particularly because only the lamps in this story are straight…

Ricochet: Hell, don't be so sure. That could change. On to the boring disclaimer…

**Boring Disclaimer**: We do not own any characters or settings you recognize. They are the intellectual property of a certain J. K. Rowling….

Chapter One: Wake Up Calls…

It was a wonderfully frigid morning in the Slytherin dungeons when Draco Malfoy's alarm clock went off, its horrible screeching echoing off the walls. Instantly his hand shot out to turn it off, but was forestalled with a crunch against his dresser.

"SHIT!!!"

After screaming for several seconds, Draco stopped abruptly. Something was very wrong. His sixth sense was tingling… he quickly but reluctantly untangled himself from the sheets of his bed and padded his way blindly in the general direction of the bathroom, eyes shut in fearful anticipation… after crashing aimlessly into several unidentified objects and running face first into something that felt suspiciously like Blaise's bikini, he found the bathroom door.

Clutching blindly at the door knob, he fell into the bathroom and straightened up just in time to see… AUGH! HIS HAIR!!!

Blaise Zabini woke to a horrible mix of that damned alarm clock and a fresh wave of Draco's yells. He jumped out of bed and threw the alarm clock across the room, where it shattered. He felt a breeze where there should not be one and looked down to find that he was stripped down to a thong.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!?"

Barely recovering from this rather disturbing discovery, Blaise made his way over the coffee pot. He was just in the middle of pouring himself a cup when Draco interrupted him with yet another flurry of very manly screams. Blaise was so shocked he spilled half the coffee pot down his still naked front. For the next few minutes he used every swear word he knew twenty times over, then gave up on the coffee and tiptoed over to the bathroom door.

"Draco? What's up?"

He promptly received a towel to the face and several bottles of god knows what thrown at him. These were promptly followed by his hair straightener.

Malfoy burst from the bathroom, yelling about his hair, which was piled in an unsightly mess on his head. Zabini was somewhat distracted by the fact that Draco, too, was wearing a thong. Zabini sighed with relief that, whatever had happened last night, at least it hadn't been with Crabbe or Goyle.

He shook his head, dispelling not unpleasant thoughts of himself and Malfoy in rather inappropriate situations, and briskly wiped the drool off of his face.

"BLAISE!!!," Draco screeched," BLAISE, LOOK AT ME!!!"

He had, in fact, been doing so quite attentively, but made it more obvious.

"MY HAIR!!!"

He rolled his eyes. Wasn't he hot enough already?

Draco was suddenly caught off guard by the bottle in Blaise's hands. It was one of the ones he had thrown at him.

"Blaise, what is that?" Shit why hadn't he remembered??? "Is that a potion? Why are you wearing a thong? WHY AM I WEARING A THONG??? DID YOU DRUG ME???"

To Blaise, at least, something was starting to make sense. Scenes of dinner last night flashed back to him… Potter the prat, the Weasel, and that filthy mudblood watching him and Draco. Those Griffendorks must have slipped them something! He grabbed the bottle with a sudden suspicion and sniffed it. A love potion! And it smelled suspiciously, to him, like-

Draco wrenched it from his hands and sniffed it as well. A look of absolute horror filled his perfect features as he too realized what must have happened.

"Not with YOU, BLAISE!!!"

He fainted, woke up, vomited, and then fainted again. Blaise, however, was too busy sniffing the potion and getting high to care too much.

**As/N**: Ricochet: Okay… this chapter may have looked like it has nothing to do with inter-house unity… but that part is coming! Fairly soon, we hope…

FullOfWit: So stay with us! And on behalf of Lucky Penny Productions, read and review. Or flame like hell… whatever. We just want feedback!!! And coming up next time-

Ricochet: Hold on! I have my speech on reviews first! Ahem… the more you review, the faster we update! That also depends on whether or not our math teacher pays attention to us passing notes… But review anyway people! Click the button! You know you want to!!! So… FullOfWit, tell them what's happening next chapter.

FullOfWit: Next chapter: McGonnagal turns delinquent, Dumbledore gets high, bipolar Harry has some awkward encounters, Ron drools, and the quest for inter-house unity begins!!!

Ricochet: Excellent summary. And now, FullOfWit and I want to thank a fabulous beta and friend, Doom Fairy. And all of you who review! Hey, that rhymes… anyway, keep reading.

Signing off… finally,

Ricochet and FullOfWit


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